Toilet Talk

Toilet Talk

After being nearly disembowelled in Los Angeles airport I thought a blog on the toilets that we have encountered on OBFEA a necessity.  Europeans show a special glee in demonstrating their self-expression and non-conformity nowhere more boldly than in their creatively designed body fluid evacuation systems.  From the exotic to the inscrutable to the cross legged unusable, some of the toilets we have encountered challenge the most laid back travellers, and yes they can really confuse you.

Advanced technology is being integrated into toilets with more functions.  And it was one such toilet with the automatic flushing mechanism operated by a sensor that typically flushes the toilet when the user stands up, that nearly disembowelled me in LA.  Ignoring advice from my dear mother, yes I sat down on the toilet seat!  Bad move.  After the elimination I leaned forward to tie up my shoe lace, when the sensor detected my movement and near sucked the crap out of me!!  It was a suck and flush all in one and I was riveted to the toilet seat by the great vacuum.    I was able to slowly release the suction, by prising my finger between the seat and my buttocks, nice one!!  This is not usual for the automatic toilets; they usually don’t commence their operation until you have taken one step away from the bowl, of course it was just my luck to be seated on the ambitious one.  Not only had I been sucked but flushed as well, I quickly used my chux cloth hanky to dry my nether regions and made my way back to Himself to relay this adventure!!

There is also the automatic lid operation, to open and close the lid.  I thought Riny would love this one!!  One in Pompeii that we all loved were the automated plastic toilet seat cover replacers, which automatically replace a plastic toilet seat cover with the push of a button.  These one also had a traffic light system that told you on the green light that it was vacant and red light for occupied. 

Sometimes we found that Europe when we were driving was not as accommodating as far as opportunities to relieve oneself.  In such situations, it was a necessity to find a back road and make the opportunity.  This on the odd occasion gathered an audience from a cow or two just too make the event more relaxing.

There is of course the mundane hole in the ground.  Sometimes there is a completely modern flushing system for this hole, and sometimes the hole is just a hole.  These toilets are also called the squat toilets.  Ok, someone explain to me what the big deal about squat toilets is? The flush squat toilets are not at all disgusting, and as far as I'm concerned more sanitary than the regular ones you sit on. And yes, my mother taught me to never sit on a public toilet. I must admit that I do not always heed this advice, as previously noted.  So regular or squat toilet is no problem to me—I have learnt to squat at an early age and am comfortable with either option. I now understand why many European women wear skirts and not pants!!  The biggest challenge, after squatting, may be the flushing. Some of them have high-powered faucets that will soak you from ankles down. Flush and run. The condition of the walls in most of these bathrooms is less than pristine. However, if it means holding/leaning on a wall or falling in, I'll lean any day! Parisian Public Toilet – there was one outside the Hotel Victoria in Chatelet and these work with a 1 euro charge and are a very good public restroom if the line up to get in is any indicator.  You get a locked stall with a toilet that, after you are finished it gets thoroughly steam-cleaned and auto-disinfected, along with the walls and floors! One must exit expeditiously to avoid being cleansed according to Himself who did the test run. In some countries, Spain and Italy were our experiences with this, you will be surprised to learn that the toilets are not for disposing of toilet paper. Yes, it is up to you to avoid smelling out the joint!  There is a small waste basket left near the offending sign imploring you to skip the dip.  If you try to sneak some down the chute, a clogged toilet will rat you out very quickly!

In Italy they actually had a “credit card” type of set up, where you could purchase a “WC Card.    This is in Venice, Italy.

McDonalds will almost always save the day! I call it "McBathrooms".  How many times did we drop into McDonalds to use their bathrooms free of charge, I loose count.   In most places we visited if you eat in a restaurant you can use their bathrooms without charge, but don’t just nick in off the street and expect it to be free, oh no.

The first thing we did when we arrived in a new place was to buy a postcard or a magnet so we would have change for any pay for the toilets that we may encounter. We also found that if we had the option of paying versus free in the same location that it was always worth the 50 euro charge. 

The bus toilet was tiny and its use was not encouraged at all.  Himself would have had to crawl in on his knees to be anywhere near able to fit in.  The tip here was not to eat a lot of greasy food and to plan your drinks when on our bus tour.
While visiting Belgium, we noticed most men's urinals were in view of anyone. The pub we went to had a ladies cubicle and a gents cubicle and 3 urinals all in the same room, with a small board at the side of the first urinal that did not hide anything. Some women covered their eyes while waiting in line, not me.

After spending time traveling by car thru the west counties of Ireland, we discovered that bringing travel toilet paper was one of our wisest moves. Most of the service stations we encountered, even nice mini-marts, had very shoddy bathrooms way out back, reminiscent of American service stations from years past. Even those bathrooms that were clean and well-kept usually had no toilet paper. Most didn't even have an empty cardboard roll to make it look like the toilet paper just ran out. We found it odd that the bathroom would be clean, have a bottle of nice hand soap and a working hand dryer, but no toilet paper. We don't know if this was to discourage toilet paper theft or use of the bathroom altogether, but found it was a similar practice no matter where we were.

We spent an inordinate amount of time locating restrooms! What we discovered: some Irish toilets have to be primed to flush; roadside rest areas in France are invariably of the squat-and-aim type, except for the token "disabled" toilet, which is why you'll always find a row of guys aiming into the trees and a line of women waiting for the handicapped stall; French men are as matter-of-fact about relieving themselves as their dogs are, and any wall will do, even in the middle of the city

I tried to use the ladies room when I was at the Louvre in Paris, but the line-up was very long, so I used the men's room. Better to use a filthy men's room toilet than wet yourself.  In fact I used the men’s toilets rather frequently whilst away, without hesitation

The toilets in the Madrid airport had a timed switch which went off in about 8 seconds. I had to use one hand to keep punching the switch and the other hand for everything else, this was very frustrating as we were in a rush to catch our plane.

Europe is not for the bladder-shy. For one, Europeans aren't as hung up about the separate bathrooms as we are.  It is not uncommon to see the more liberal-thinking European women use the men's room, if the line is too long in the ladies', for instance. I've done it myself on occasion. The key is the right attitude: walk in as if you owned the place, right past all the men at the urinals and into a toilet. None of the men ever seem to mind.

Bathroom Prison: One of my not so pleasant experiences was when we were in Lake Maggiore and we had checked out of the hotel before breakfast, foolishly.  Of course the call of nature came after breakfast when we had gone exploring this mass hotel.  We were in a very quiet area of the hotel and Himself was in the Men’s with me in the Ladies.  Well I couldn’t unlock the door of the toilet.  Being a bit claustrophobic, I was in a mad spin.  Knocking on the door, calling out to Himself who obviously must have put ear plugs in when he entered the men’s.     I thought that I was never going to be rescued from this WC.  Eventually Himself came to my rescue, and I was ever so pleased to see him in the Ladies.

I had experienced many toilet "adventures" throughout my travels in Europe, ranging from the flushing question (do I pull, push, kick the button, handle,cord), to angry grandmotherly cleaning ladies yelling in various languages and coming up with proper coinage to use the facilities in the first place.

Toilets were a fun part of our trip!  All toilets are not built alike...this was a great part of OBFEA experience. In the eight weeks that we have spent away, we discovered many new and interesting toilets. Besides the quite standard "squatting" model, we were often met by self-cleaning models (at the flush an arm would extend and the toilet seat would rotate one cycle while it was sanitized) and models with various flush levels.  In Italy it is against the law to have a toilet seat unless it can be sanitised after every use and so hence most do not have toilet seats.